Dib is Happy
by SaintHeartwing
Summary: Dib has long wanted this. For once in his life, he's satisfied with what he has. For once in his life, he's...happy. The happiest he's been in years.


"You got in trouble again, didn't you?"

Dib sighed as he closed the book and looked up from his desk as his son entered the room, the black-haired, glasses-wearing professor of scientific studies tilting his head as his son entered the room, biting his lip, his antannae hung low over his back. The half-Irken, half-Human child cringed a bit as he poked his head further into the study, pictures of various galaxies and nebulae on the walls as the purple-eyed Irken smeet gulped.

"Uh...well..."

"Let me guess. The kids in school made fun of you again?" Dib asked once more, adjusting the glasses he wore as his son slowly inched into the study, wearing an old, familiar t-shirt. "You can't be like your aunt."

His son slowly sat down in a nearby chair, clasping his hands together as he hung his head, Dib's voice now much older, a little bit wiser, the years far kinder on HIM than on Zim, who's head was currently hanging over the desk against the wall, not too far away from Dib's massive bookshelf. Indeed, Zim's head might need some new stuffing, Dib thought to himself.

"When I was your age, I got into fights all the time too. And I wanted to lash back." Dib said, laying his hands in his lap as he hung his head, speaking softly and quietly as his son looked up, tilting his head slightly to the side. He waited. Waiting for Dib to speak, but then Dib lifted his head, his amber/brown eyes staring firmly into his son's.

"...well?"

"You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you? Thought I was gonna say "But I didn't lash back". Well, I can't say that, kiddo." Dib insisted as he shook his head, sighing as he held his head in one hand and cringing. "When I FINALLY managed to beat Zim, I was riding high. And I told Torque I wasn't gonna take any more of his s-t and he better apologize for all the times he stuck my head in a toilet. He struck me square in the face, broke my glasses. So I...well, now you know why everyone calls him "Gums"." Dib said with a slight smile. "Was PRETTY satisfying knowing he'd never eat solid food again."

"YOU did that?" His son asked, eyes widening in awe as they practically sparkled, clasping his hands together and beaming as Dib rose up and patted his son on the shoulder.

"Yep. But you have to be better than I did. Until you turn 16, then you can beat up whoever I want."

"Really?"

"No. But you can tell them they should be nice to you, because your tax dollars will be paying for their prison cell." Dib said with a smirk.

"Actually, I already did. It's why they kicked me in the crotch and I tried to scratch their eyes out." His son confessed nervously, Dib blinking in surprise.

"Oh! Who was it?"

"Samantha's son, Sammy."

"UGH. Samantha. She's still as stupid as she is pretty." Dib said, cringing as he shook his head back and forth as he led his son out of the study, down the long mahogany hallways of his mansion as they reached the living room, Tak the Irken waiting for them, looking up from the couch as he grinned. "But she's nowhere near as pretty as my wife." He chuckled, Tak pausing "The Scary Monkey Show" and sauntering over to him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply.

"You're watchin' the Scary Monkey Show?" His son asked, blinking in surprise. "Oooh! What episode is it?"

"You can watch it if you want. Your father and I are just gonna be here in the living room, talking about how much we WUB each other." Tak said with a sly smile, their son going "BLECHH" as he exited the room, heading up the spiral stairway in the center of the living room, up to his own room as Tak gave Dib a playful lick over the cheek. "Heh. Always works."

"It's our anniversary, and I got you a little something I want to show you." Dib said as he gave her a grin. "...I can't RETURN it." He added as he and she laid down on the couch, Dib stroking her curled antannae, enjoying the soft feel of the antannae in his hands, the feel of her purring from their touch as she softly inhaled at each stroke.

"Ohhhh...oh, yes, yessss..." She whispered. "Reminds me of our first date."

 _Indeed. Dib remembered it well. The soft smell of freshly roasting meat. A lovely barbeque as the moon hung high in the sky, stars twinkling overhead as the wind blew against their skin. Dib strummed away on a guitar, smiling seductively at Tak as they laid together in chairs on the private beach._

 _"See? It's the perfect kinda night for this sort of thing." Dib had said with a smile. "Want me to play something?"_

 _"I don't know too many songs." Tak confessed. "Well, I do know ONE Earth song." She added. "That variation on Joy to the World?"_

 _"Ahhh, well, in that case..." Dib nodded before he began to play upon the guitar, fingers flying over the strings as the lovely roast continued to twirl about. "Joooooy to the woooorld! Our rival's deaaaaad! Let's baaaarbequuuue his heaaaad!"_

 _"WHY NOT?! YOU'RE ALREADY ROASTING THE REST OF ME!" Zim screeched out, his naked form still tied to the stick as he was slowly tuned over the bonfire over and over as Gaz kept cheerily twisting him around and around, humming happily to herself as she held it with one hand, the other nonchalantly playing a new Game Slave cartridge Dib had bought in exchange for her help._

 _"Pssshhh. Whiner." Gaz remarked._

"Yes. Only without Zim's tremendous screaming." Dib remarked. "God, I miss the screamin'." He sighed sadly, shaking his head back and forth. "But still...we've got a special night, just the two of us." He said, leaning in, kissing her tenderly as she began to undo his pants.

"I'm just so glad I stayed with you." Tak admitted quietly. "I've never been happier."

"Yeah. Me..." Dib smiled softly. "Me too."

He sighed.

"Okay...turn it off."

Tak blinked. "Wh...what?"

"Turn it off. I know it's not real. Get it over with."

And just like that, Dib was now getting pulled out of a strange, VR-helmet-esque device, GIR taking off the black device from Dib's large head. Something Dib didn't even object to! He just sighed as he looked at the little blue-eyed robot as it stared up at him, holding the odd, helmet-esque thing as the silver robot blinked stupidly.

"Really, GIR? Another one of Zim's plans?" Dib groaned, taking off his glasses and cleaning them as he shook his head back and forth.

 **"GIIIIIIIIIIIIR!"** Zim's voice rang out from down the hall of the laboratory, Dib blinking as he saw the angry Irken storm in, ruby-maroon eyes glowering darkly at GIR. "GIR! Why in Irk's name were you testing out my new Delusionator on the Dib?! I wanted to test it out on the stupid happy child first!"

"So...you didn't plan this?" Dib asked of Zim as GIR shook his head.

"I wanted to do this for you, big head boy." GIR said gently, smiling softly at the kid, Dib somehow STILL not even caring about that comment.

"Why?" Dib asked, frowning a bit, his face full of confusion.

"You always seem so...unhappy." GIR said, frowning a bit as he shook his little head back and forth. "Every time you and Zim fight, you tend to win so much, yet...the next day when we see you, you're always frowning and looking sad. Beating mastah never seems to bring you joy. I thought you were probably the saddest person I've ever met, so...so I just wanted to see you happy for once." The little robot confessed, tapping his tiny fingers together, biting his metal lip as he hung his head.

"Frankly, Zim is amazed you learned it was all fake!" Zim said wtih a frown, folding his arms over his chest as he harrumphed. "How did you see through the ingenious nature of the Delusionator!? Zim designed it to be flawless! How did you learn it wasn't real?"

Dib hesitated, and then...

"I knew it wasn't real because I was...happy. That's how I knew it wasn't my life. I could never really be that happy." Dib said softly, Zim blinking stupidly in surprise, GIR's face falling as Dib quietly rose up, heading down the hall and going towards the elevator at the far end, entering it and pressing the button for the first floor, intent on heading out to Zim's house and to go back home, his final words ringing through the laboratory, heavy, quiet and sad.  
 _  
"I've known I'm not meant to be happy...for a very long time now."_


End file.
